Rearing Children in a Polluted Environment
- October 1993
Not long ago, I had an impromptu conversation with a group of young
parents who exhibited a great deal of anxiety about rearing their children in
our morally polluted environment. They asked for assistance in helping their
children find their way in a world that seems to be unraveling.
We all hear and read a great deal these days about our polluted physical
environment—acid rain, smog,
toxic wastes. But these parents recognize that there is another kind of
pollution that is much more dangerous—the moral and spiritual.
In a recent conference, Elder Boyd K.
Packer said, “As we test the moral environment, we find the pollution index is
spiraling upward” (Ensign, May 1992, p. 66). The Apostle Paul foresaw “that in
the last days perilous times shall come” (2 Tim. 3:1). And speaking of the last
days, the prophet Moroni declared, “Yea, it shall come in a day when there
shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31).
Sadly, the effects of this great pollution are perhaps most evident in
the mass media, films, television, and popular music. Of this, Senator Robert
D. Byrd said, “If we in this nation continue to sow the images of murder,
violence, drug abuse, … perversion, [and] pornography … before the eyes of
millions of children, year after year and day after day, we should not be
surprised if the foundations of our society rot away as if from leprosy”
(Michael Medved, Hollywood vs. America, New York: Harper Perennial, 1992, p.
194).
Although there are some uplifting exceptions, in most areas of the mass
media there seems to be a declaration of war against almost everything the
majority treasures most: the family, religion, and patriotism. Marriage is
degraded, while premarital and extramarital relations are encouraged and
glamorized. Profanity and the foulest of vulgar gutter language bombard the
ears of all who listen. Reportedly, in one R-rated movie, the most common,
vulgar four-letter word was spoken 256 times! Human life itself is trivialized
by the constant barrage of violence and killings. Remember that anything that
is not good for children is rarely good for adults.
In an unsuccessful effort to ward off teen pregnancy and social disease,
birth control devices are freely distributed. I am convinced that this practice
strongly communicates the basic message to many youth that “anything goes; just
protect yourself in the process.”
It is no wonder that young parents become very anxious as they attempt
to fulfill their sacred trust in the face of such an onslaught of despicable
influences. Unfortunately, these challenges confront members of the Church as
well as nonmembers.
Parents who really want to receive assistance must return to the basics—the fundamentals
of the gospel. Among all that could be said, here are four specific suggestions
that, if applied, can make a positive difference:
First, do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be
sure to say no when it is needed. As Dr. John Rosemond counseled:
“[Give] your children regular,
daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most
character-building two-letter word in the English language [No]. …
Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today’s children suffer from Vitamin N
deficiency. They’ve been overindulged by well-meaning parents who’ve given them
far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need”
(John K. Rosemond, John Rosemond’s Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy
Children, Kansas City, Mo.: Andrews & McMeel, 1989, p. 114).
Even though your children say, “Well, everyone else is going to stay out
until one or two in the morning, and their parents don’t care. Why can’t I?
Don’t you trust me?” let them know that there are some things that, as members
of your family, you simply do not do. Some parents seem to be almost
pathologically concerned about their children’s popularity and social
acceptance and go along with many things that are really against their better
judgment, such as expensive fads, immodest clothes, late hours, dating before
age sixteen, R-rated movies, and so on. For children and parents, standing up
for what is right may be lonely at times. There may be evenings alone, parties
missed, and movies which go unseen. It may not always be fun. But parenting is
not a popularity contest.
You may need to get together with the parents of your children’s friends
and mutually agree on more acceptable high standards of entertainment, hours,
and activities. Your children may be frustrated at first, but in the end they
will grow to appreciate you even more because you cared enough about them to
set some wholesome guidelines and standards.
Second, teach your children to work and to take responsibility.
Especially in urban settings, too many children are growing up in an
environment where they do not have enough to do. They are like the young
thirteen-year-old boy who was asked what he did all day in the summer.
He said, “Well, I get up in the morning about ten or eleven. Then my mom
gets me something to eat. Then maybe, I’ll go with some of the guys and play a
little basketball, maybe watch TV, and then go down to the mall and ‘hang out’
for a while—sorta watch the
girls and stuff.”
When asked what time he got to bed, he said, “Oh, usually about one or
two o’clock. I go over to a friend’s house and watch some videos. It’s really
neat, because my friend’s mom told the guy at the video shop that it was all
right for her son to check out any video he wanted—including
R-rated.”
I feel great concern for the future of that young Latter-day Saint boy
as well as for that of his friends.
I like what President Spencer W. Kimball has said on this topic:
“The idle generation!
Hours each day and nothing to do. …
“We want you
parents to create work for your children. …
“‘What can we
do?’” they ask.
“Do the shopping,
work in the hospital, help the neighbors and the church custodian, wash dishes,
vacuum the floors, make the beds, get the meals, learn to sew.
“Read good books,
… clean the house, press your clothes, rake the leaves, shovel the snow, peddle
papers.”
Then he concludes:
“Lawmakers in
their overeagerness to protect the child have legislated until the pendulum has
swung to the other extreme. But no law prohibits most work [here] suggested …,
and parents can make work” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L.
Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, pp. 360–61).
In addition, help your children learn self-discipline by such activities
as learning to play a musical instrument or other demanding skill. I am
reminded of the story of the salesman who came to a house one hot summer day.
Through the screen door he could see a young boy practicing his scales on the
piano. His baseball glove and hat were by the side of the piano bench. He said,
“Say, boy, is your mother home?” To which the boy replied, “What do you think?”
Thank heavens for conscientious parents!
Every child should be helped to develop some skill or talent by which he
or she can experience success and thus build self-esteem.
Missionaries who have learned to work hard and have developed
self-discipline are much more successful.
Third, create an environment in your family in which spiritual experiences
can occur. For example:
·
Remember
family prayer every day. With schedules as they are, you may need to have more
than one prayer. Sending children out of your home without the spiritual
protection of prayer is like sending them out into a blizzard without
sufficient clothing.
·
Hold
family home evenings every week without fail. This is a wonderful time to share
your testimony with your children. Give them an opportunity to share their
feelings about the gospel. Help them to learn to recognize when they feel the presence
of the Spirit. Family home evenings will help create an island of refuge and
security within your own home.
·
Read
the scriptures together daily as a family. There is real power in the
scriptures.
Is the Book of Mormon a significant part of your reading? Count the
number of rich promises President Marion G. Romney made to parents when he
said:
“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book
of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children,
the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes. … The spirit of
reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will
grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children
in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to
the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. … The pure love of
Christ … will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy,
and happiness” (Ensign, May 1980, p. 67).
We should not take these ten promises lightly.
Fourth, follow the counsel of the prophets. Listen to their messages at
this conference and re-read their counsel to us from prior occasions. If your
personal and family practices do not conform to the counsel received, then, for
your own family’s sake, make some changes.
President Harold B. Lee said: “We must learn to give heed to the words
and commandments that the Lord shall give through his prophet … [and quoting
from the Doctrine and Covenants] ‘as if from mine own mouth, in all patience
and faith’ (D&C 21:4–5).” He continued: “There will be some things that
take patience and faith. You may not like what comes from the authority of the
Church. It may contradict your political views. It may contradict your social
views. It may interfere with some of your social life. … Your safety and ours
depends upon whether or not we follow the ones whom the Lord has placed to
preside over his church” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, pp. 152–53).
From a personal standpoint, of what value is it to have living prophets
if we do not heed their counsel?
Fathers and mothers, it is not too late to change. There is still hope.
You can begin today to apply these suggestions and others you may add. We can
help our children and grandchildren to survive spiritually and morally in a
world where the pollution index continues to spiral upward. The intent is not
to take our children out of the world but, as the Lord prayed, to keep them
from evil (see John 17:15).
I know that our Heavenly Father lives. We are his spirit children, and
he loves his family. Jesus is the
Christ, and this is his church, which is led by living prophets.
Of this I sincerely testify in the name of Jesus the Christ, amen.
Marriage and the Great Plan of Happiness -
April 1995
Barbara and I have been blessed with six children. Some years ago, when
we had taken all of them to visit with their grandparents, my father said,
“Joe, I think you and Barbara have started something you can’t stop.”
At this Easter season we declare to all the world that Jesus is the
Christ and that through his holy priesthood and its sealing power, marriages
and families ideally need never stop—need never come to an end.
Today I would like to speak to all of you about our marriages. Here are
eight practical suggestions that, hopefully, may be of value in strengthening
our marriages, now and in the future.
1. Remember the central
importance of your marriage. Listen to these words from Elder Bruce R. McConkie
on the importance of marriage in our Father in Heaven’s “great plan of
happiness” (Alma 42:8):
“From the moment of birth into
mortality to the time we are married in the temple, everything we have in the
whole gospel system is to prepare and qualify us to enter that holy order of
matrimony which makes us husband and wife in this life and in the world to
come. …
“There is nothing in this world
as important as the creation and perfection of family units” (“Salvation Is a
Family Affair,” Improvement Era, June 1970, pp. 43–44).
2. Pray for the success of
your marriage. Years ago, when it was common for a General Authority to tour a
mission and interview all the missionaries, Elder Spencer W. Kimball, then a
member of the Quorum of the Twelve, was visiting with an elder who was just
about to finish his mission.
“When you get released, Elder,
what are your plans?”
“Oh, I plan to go back to
college,” and then with a smile he added, “Then I hope to fall in love and get
married.”
Elder Kimball shared this wise counsel: “Well, don’t just pray to marry
the one you love. Instead, pray to love the one you marry.”
We should pray to become more kind, courteous, humble, patient,
forgiving, and, especially, less selfish.
In order to recognize our personal problems or weaknesses which hinder
us from being better marriage partners, we should come to the Lord in prayer
and reap the benefits of this powerful Book of Mormon promise: “If men come
unto me I will show unto them their weakness … ; for if they humble themselves
before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong
unto them” (Ether 12:27).
And so the need to pray. Many Church leaders and marriage counselors
indicate that they have not seen one marriage in serious trouble where the
couple was still praying together daily. When problems arise and marriages are
threatened, praying together as a couple may be the most important remedy.
3. Listen. Make the time to
listen to your spouse; even schedule it regularly. Visit with each other and
assess how you are doing as a marriage partner.
Brother Brent Barlow posed a question to a group of priesthood brethren:
“How many of you would like to receive a revelation?” Every hand went up. He
then suggested that they all go home and ask their wives how they could be
better husbands. He added, “I followed my own advice, and had a very
informative discussion with [my wife] Susan for more than an hour that
afternoon!” (Ensign, Sept. 1992, p. 17). A conversation like that could be a
revelation for any of us.
Have any of you brethren ever had your wife say something like I heard
recently: “Joe, are you listening?” She wasn’t the only one who wondered if I
was listening. Some time ago, I was taking a nap and our little granddaughter
Allison came and lifted up one of my eyelids and said, “Grandpa, are you in
there?” We should be “in there” and responsive to our mate.
4. Avoid “ceaseless
pinpricking.” Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none
of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our
leaders have urged us to become.
“Ceaseless pinpricking” (as
President Kimball called it), can deflate almost any marriage (“Marriage and
Divorce,” Brigham Young University 1976 Speeches of the Year, Provo, Utah:
University Publications, 1977, p. 148). Generally, each of us is painfully
aware of our weaknesses, and we don’t need frequent reminders. Few people have
ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we
are not careful, some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually
destructive.
At times it is better to leave some things unsaid. As a newlywed, Sister
Lola Walters read in a magazine that in order to strengthen a marriage, a
couple should have regular, candid sharing sessions in which they would list
any mannerisms they found to be annoying. She wrote:
“We were to name five things we
found annoying, and I started off. … I told him that I didn’t like the way he
ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an orange! Nobody else I knew ate
grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even
eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange? …
“After I finished [with my five], it was his turn to tell the things he
disliked about me. … [He] said, ‘Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of
anything I don’t like about you, Honey.’
“Gasp.
“I quickly turned my back,
because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled my eyes and were
running down my face.”
Sister Walters concluded: “Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible,
I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the Grapefruit
Syndrome” (Ensign, Apr. 1993, p. 13).
Yes, at times, it is better to leave some things unsaid.
5. Keep your courtship alive.
Make time to do things together—just
the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you
need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children
know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture
it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling.
It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important
element.
Once when my father-in-law was leaving the house after lunch to return
to the field to work, my mother-in-law said, “Albert, you get right back in
here and tell me you love me.” He grinned and jokingly said, “Elsie, when we
were married, I told you I loved you, and if that ever changes, I’ll let you
know.” It’s hard to overuse the expression, “I love you.” Use it daily.
6. Be quick to say, “I’m
sorry.” As hard as it is to form the words, be swift to say, “I apologize, and
please forgive me,” even though you are not the one who is totally at fault.
True love is developed by those who are willing to readily admit personal
mistakes and offenses.
When differences do arise, being able to discuss and resolve them is
important, but there are instances when it is best to take a time-out. Biting
your tongue and counting to ten or even a hundred is important. And
occasionally, even letting the sun go down on your wrath can help bring you
back to the problem in the morning more rested, calm, and with a better chance
for resolution.
Occasionally, we hear something like, “Why, we have been married for
fifty years, and we have never had a difference of opinion.” If that is
literally the case, then one of the partners is overly dominated by the other
or, as someone said, is a stranger to the truth. Any intelligent couple will
have differences of opinion. Our challenge is to be sure that we know how to
resolve them. That is part of the process of making a good marriage better.
7. Learn to live within your
means. Some of the most difficult challenges in marriage arise in the area of
finances. “The American Bar Association … indicated that 89 percent of all
divorces could be traced to quarrels and accusations over money” (Ensign, July
1975, p. 72). Be willing to postpone or forgo some purchases in order to stay
within your budget. Pay your tithing first, and avoid debt insofar as possible.
Remember that spending fifty dollars a month less than you receive equals
happiness and spending fifty more equals misery. The time may have come to get
out the scissors and your credit cards and perform what Elder Holland called
some “plastic surgery” (Ensign, June 1986, p. 30).
8. Be a true partner in home
and family responsibilities. Don’t be like the husband who sits around home
expecting to be waited on, feeling that earning the living is his chore and
that his wife alone is responsible for the house and taking care of the
children. The task of caring for home and family is more than one person’s
responsibility.
Remember that you are in this partnership together. Barbara and I have
discovered that we can make our bed every morning in less than a minute and
it’s done for the day. She says that she lets me do it to help me feel good
about myself all day, and I guess there may be something to that.
Find time to study the scriptures together, and follow this sound
counsel from President Kimball: “When a husband and wife go together frequently
to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family,
go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste,
mentally and physically, … and both are working together for the upbuilding of
the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle” (Marriage and Divorce,
Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1976, p. 24).
In summary:
·
Remember
the central importance of your marriage.
·
Pray
for its success.
·
Listen.
·
Avoid
“ceaseless pinpricking.”
·
Keep
your courtship alive.
·
Be
quick to say, “I’m sorry.”
·
Learn
to live within your means.
·
Be
a true partner in home and family responsibilities.
I testify that Jesus is the Christ. The tomb was empty on that third
day, and “as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive” (1
Cor. 15:22). Thus with gratitude for the sealing power within the restored
gospel of Jesus Christ, we can confidently say with the poet, “I shall but love
thee better after death” (Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How Do I Love Thee?”).
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
The Savior is Counting on You - October
1996
A few years ago following general conference, our four-year-old grandson
Andrew asked his mother, “Mommy, is Jesus counting on me?” His mother answered,
“Oh yes, Andrew, Jesus is counting on you. He wants you to obey Mom and Dad, to
do what is right, and especially to be kind to your little brother, Benny.”
This four-year-old thought about that for a few moments and said, “Mommy, tell
Him not to count on me!”
Fortunately, by the time Andrew receives the Aaronic Priesthood, he will
have come to know that Jesus is counting on him.
Tonight let’s consider three important ways in which the Lord is
counting on you who are privileged to bear the Aaronic Priesthood.
First, the Savior is counting on you to be a champion of those who need
you.
In a high school not far from here, a young mentally handicapped student
we will call Frank wanted so much to be accepted by the popular crowd. He would
follow them around, always on the outside looking in, hoping to be included but
never achieving it.
One day in the cafeteria, some of the more popular boys and girls
encouraged Frank to get up on the table and dance. Thinking he would please
them, he did it. In his awkward way, he twisted and twirled. The group yelled,
clapped their hands, and laughed. They were laughing at him, and Frank thought
they were laughing with him.
A few tables away, Dave was eating lunch with a friend and watching it
all. He courageously leaped up, faced that crowd of tormentors, and through
clenched teeth said, “I’ve had as much of this as I can stand!” He helped Frank
down and said, “Frank, you come and have lunch with us.”
The Savior is counting on you to be a champion of those who need you,
and they are all around you—in
your school, in your neighborhood, in your family.
At a 20-year high school reunion, one of the graduates had a surprising
conversation with one of her classmates that went something like this:
“I came to this reunion after all
these years hoping you would be here so I could thank you. My high school experience
was hard for me. You may not have known it, but you were the only friend I had
in high school. I wondered if maybe the seminary teacher had assigned you to be
nice to me. Did he?”
“No. He didn’t assign me.”
“Well, you didn’t know it, but
every day I looked for you because I knew that you would talk to me. You made
me feel better about myself. Now I am married and have a large family. During
these past years I have thought many times of what you meant to me, and I
wanted to tell you that.”
There are those who wake up every morning dreading to go to school, or
even to a Church activity, because they worry about how they will be treated.
You have the power to change their lives for the better. You are a bearer of
the priesthood of God, and the Lord is counting on you to be a builder and give
them a lift. Think less about yourself and more about the power you have to
assist others, even those within your own family.
A 14-year-old sister was all dressed up to go to a Young Women activity
at a time in her life when she felt very unsure about herself. She was quietly
and self-consciously inching her way toward the front door, hoping not to be
noticed by all the young men in the living room who were visiting with her
older brother Russell. She was given a life-changing boost when her older
brother interrupted his conversation and said to her in front of all his
friends, “My, Emily, you look pretty tonight!” A small thing? No. There are
young women who claim that they would not have made it through those growing-up
years without the encouragement and support of their older brothers.
Last month in the area of Salt Lake City, a fellow Aaronic Priesthood
bearer, Zachary Snarr, was brutally and senselessly murdered. Among the many
wonderful things said about him by family and friends was that he rarely missed
a day without telling his mother how much he loved her. His cheerful and loving
nature around their home leaves them with priceless memories. Your mothers need
you to be a champion of them. Never should a bearer of the Aaronic Priesthood
be guilty of saying anything discourteous or disrespectful to his mother.
The scriptures teach us that whenever we are abusive, thoughtless, or
unkind to others, “the devil laugheth, and his angels rejoice” (3 Ne. 9:2);
also, that “the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved;
and when it is withdrawn, Amen [or the end] to the priesthood or the authority
of that man” (D&C 121:37).
Maybe you have thought that doing these little kindnesses doesn’t make
much difference, but as Alma said, “By small and simple things are great things
brought to pass” (Alma 37:6). We also read: “Be not weary in well-doing, for ye
are laying the foundation of a great work. [You are a great work in progress.]
And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33).
Next, the Savior is counting on you to avoid the immoral trash that
surrounds you in the media.
Satan has made great inroads into the lives of some Latter-day Saints
through the evil in the media. I am confident that the great majority of you
have not been guilty of serious sexual sin, but many are placing themselves in
a path that could lead to it. A bishop reported that he had observed that the
spiritual level of the young priesthood bearers in his ward was declining.
Through his personal interviews with them, he discovered that many of them were
watching R-rated movies. When he asked them where they went to see such trash,
they said, “We don’t go anywhere. We watch them at home. We have cable
television, and when our parents are gone we watch anything we want to.”
Fathers, you may want to reconsider having unrestricted cable or
unsupervised television sets in your home and particularly in your children’s
bedrooms.
It is very unreasonable to suppose that exposure to profanity, nudity,
sex, and violence has no negative effects on us. We can’t roll around in the
mud without getting dirty.
It is a concern that some of our young Latter-day Saints, as well as
their parents, regularly watch R-rated and other inappropriate movies and
videos. One more reason why the “devil laugheth, and his angels rejoice” (3 Ne.
9:2).
Just a few months ago the Lord’s prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley,
shared with the youth, and with all of us, this clear and unmistakable counsel:
“Be clean. I cannot emphasize that enough. Be clean. It is so very, very
important, and you at your age are in such temptation all the time. It is
thrown at you on television. It is thrown at you in books and magazines and
videos. You do not have to rent them. Don’t do it. Just don’t do it. Don’t look
at them. If somebody proposes that you sit around all night watching some of
that sleazy stuff, you say, ‘It’s not for me.’ Stay away from it” (Denver,
Colorado, youth meeting, 14 Apr. 1996).
The Lord and his living prophets are counting on you to avoid the trash
that surrounds you in the media. When anyone chooses to ignore or defiantly go
against the counsel of the living prophet, he is on very shaky ground.
Remember that when Joseph was tempted by Potiphar’s wife to be immoral
with her, he “fled, and got him out” (Gen. 39:12).
Temptations are all around us, and today with the advent of the
Internet, they are increasing. There is much that is positive in the world of
the media, but there is so much that is negative. If we permit ourselves to
become involved with the negative, there will be much more cause for the devil
to laugh and his angels to rejoice.
Finally, the Savior is counting on you to be worthy to enter the temple
and to fill an honorable mission.
An acquaintance of mine grew up not far from here. By the time he was 14
years old, he was over six feet tall and very uncoordinated. He said, “One
afternoon when I was in a 10th-grade seminary class, the Spirit really touched
me. I came to know that the gospel literally was true. I made up my mind that
day that I wanted to serve the Lord in any way I could.”
By his senior year, he was well over six feet tall and much more
coordinated. Many universities offered him scholarships to play basketball.
After his first year playing at a university, he told his coach that he would
like to be excused for two years to go on a mission. The coach said, “If you
leave, you can be sure of one thing: you will never again wear one of our
basketball uniforms!” Many thought that his “mission” ought to be playing
basketball. Even some family members, including his parents, tried to convince
him not to serve a mission. But he was totally committed. He was willing to
give everything to the Lord—the
scholarship, the applause of the fans, and the excitement of playing. He knew
what the Lord was counting on him to do. He was called, and he served an
honorable mission.
When he returned two years later, he was even taller and about 35 pounds
heavier. His coach decided to repent. He was permitted to wear one of those
basketball uniforms again, and in his senior year, his team not only won the
conference championship but went on to the finals in national competition.
The Lord’s commandment to his Apostles was, “Go ye into all the world,
and preach the gospel” (Mark 16:15).
Modern prophets have taught that every young man who is physically and
mentally able should prepare himself to serve an honorable mission. The Lord
did not say, “Go on a mission if it fits your schedule, or if you happen to
feel like it, or if it doesn’t interfere with your scholarship, your romance,
or your educational plans.” Preaching the gospel is a commandment and not
merely a suggestion. It is a blessing and a privilege and not a sacrifice.
Remember, even though for some of you there may be very tempting reasons for
you not to serve a full-time mission, the Lord and his prophets are counting on
you.
More than ever before in my life, I know that Jesus is the Christ. This
is his Church and it is led by living prophets. The Lord and his prophets are
counting on you to:
1.
Be
a champion of those who need you.
2.
Avoid
the trash that surrounds you in the media.
3.
Be
worthy to enter the temple and fill an honorable mission.
I pray that the world will be a better place because you have lived in
it. That is our task, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Greed, Selfishness, and Overindulgence -
April 1999
I am confident that we will literally be called upon to make an accounting
before God concerning how we have used [our resources] to bless lives and build
the kingdom.
They say the gospel is to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the
comforted. My purpose today is to speak to the comforted: the rich, the poor,
and all of us in between.
The Lord has said, “Wo unto you rich men, … for your riches will canker
your souls.” He has also said, “Wo unto you poor men, whose hearts are not
broken, … [and] whose eyes are full of greediness.”
Many of you probably have heard this little prayer somebody wrote:
“Dear God,
“So far today I have done all
right. I haven’t gossiped, haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy,
nasty, selfish, or overly indulgent. But in a few minutes, Lord, I am going to
get out of bed, and from then on, I am probably going to need a lot more help.”
When it comes to overcoming being greedy, selfish, and overly indulgent,
we all need a lot more help. In his candid manner, President Brigham Young
said: “The worst fear … I have about this people is that they will get rich in
this country, forget God and His people, wax fat, and kick themselves out of
the Church. … My greater fear … is that they cannot stand wealth.”
Our prosperity brings some real challenges because many are getting
rich, more of us are waxing fat, and as a result of greed, selfishness, and
overindulgence, we could lose the Spirit and literally kick ourselves out of
the Church.
Money and material things are on the minds of almost everyone. As Morris
Chalfant wrote: “The great [question] of the twentieth century is, ‘How can I
acquire wealth?’ No question occupies a larger place in the minds and … hearts
of … people today than this. … This is true of men in every station and in
every walk of life.”
Money in and of itself is not an evil, but as Paul taught Timothy, it is
the love of money that is the root of all evil. There are some of the wealthy
who deal with their prosperity very well using their resources to bless others
and build the kingdom. For many, however, wealth presents major difficulties.
As we deal with the materialism that threatens us, here are four
suggestions for each of us to consider:
First, we should not confuse wants with needs.
My mother taught me an important lesson along these lines. For many
years my father had a practice of trading for a new car every year. Then,
shortly after World War II when grain prices increased, we were surprised one
day when Dad drove home in a more expensive car.
One morning my mother asked, “How much more did the new car cost than
the other one?”
When Dad told her, my mother said, “Well, the other car has always been
able to get me where I need to go. I think we ought to give the difference to
someone who needs it more than we do.”
And so it was. The next year Dad returned to the less-expensive cars,
and they continued their generous ways.
If we are not careful, it is easy for our wants to become needs.
Remember the line “There, there, little luxury, don’t you cry. You’ll be a
necessity by and by.”
Second, we should avoid spoiling children by giving them too much.
In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as
parents overindulge them. Whether you are well-to-do or, like most of us, of
more modest means, we as parents often attempt to provide children with almost
everything they want thus taking away from them the blessing of anticipating,
of longing for something they do not have. One of the most important things we
can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally
makes for weak people. How many truly great individuals do you know who never
had to struggle?
Elder Maxwell has voiced this concern when he said: “A few of our
wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched. They have
almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and
insurance—all paid for by
parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative
words. What is thus taken for granted … tends to underwrite selfishness and a
sense of entitlement.”
A wise young mother said: “I choose not to give our children what I can
afford to give them. I hold back for their sake.”
In the words of Fred Gosman, “Children who always get what they want
will want as long as they live.” And somewhere along the line it is important
for the character development of our children to learn that “the earth still
revolves around the sun” and not around them. Rather, we should train our
children to ask themselves the question, How is the world a better place
because they are in it?
We live in a world of entertainment in full color with a lot of fast
action, a world in which many children grow up thinking that if it isn’t fun,
it is boring and not worthwhile. Even in family activities, we need to strike a
balance between play and work. Some of my most memorable experiences while
growing up centered around family activities: learning how to shingle a roof,
build a fence, or working in the garden. Rather than being all work and no
play, for many of our children it is almost all play and very little work.
As a consequence of overindulgence, many children leave homes
ill-prepared to meet the real world. President Hinckley said: “Of course, we
need to earn a living. The Lord told Adam that in the sweat of his face should
he eat bread all the days of his life. It is important that we qualify
ourselves to be self-reliant, particularly that every young man at the time of
marriage be ready and able to assume the responsibilities of providing for his
companion and for the children who may come to that home.”
All too many enter marriage who have never learned to cook, sew, or
develop other important life skills. Ignorance of these needed skills, along
with the lack of understanding of the management of money, sow the seeds for
many failures in our children’s marriages.
I fear that in many cases we are rearing children who are slaves to
expensive fads and fashions. Remember the scripture, “For where your treasure is,
there will your heart be also.” How do we determine where our treasure is? To
do so, we need to evaluate the amount of time, money, and thought we devote to
something. Might it not be well to evaluate how much focus we place on shopping
and spending?
This does not mean that our children
should not dress in some of the appropriate clothing that is in fashion because
that can be very important to them. But they don’t need a closet full. As
members of the Church, we have a responsibility to present ourselves in a
well-groomed, attractive, and modest manner. With good planning, this can be
done without being driven to spend extravagantly on our clothing.
More than 10 times, the prophets in the Book of Mormon warn us about the
problems of pride related to the nature of our clothing. Here is one example of
them: “And it came to pass … that the people of the church began to wax proud,
because of their exceeding riches, and their fine silks, and their fine-twined
linen. … in all these things were they lifted up in the pride of their eyes,
for they began to wear very costly apparel.”
We would do well if in all these areas of material things we and our
children would follow the oft-quoted motto of our pioneer forebears to “fix it
up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.”
Third, as we have heard so often, live modestly and avoid debt as if it
were a plague.
President Hinckley recently reminded us of President Heber J. Grant’s
statement: “If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment
into the human heart, and into the family, it is to live within our means, and
if there is any one thing that is grinding, and discouraging and disheartening
it is to have debts and obligations that one cannot meet.”
Samuel Johnson said, “Do not accustom yourself to consider debt as an
inconvenience, you will find it [to be] a calamity.”
How much house do we really need to accommodate our family comfortably?
We should not endanger ourselves either spiritually or economically by
acquiring homes which are ostentatious, feed our vanity, and go far beyond our
needs.
If we are to be self-reliant and in a position to share, obviously we
must acquire some resources. If we live within our means and avoid debt,
resources can be accumulated. There are those with average incomes who, over a
lifetime, do amass some means, and there are those who receive large salaries
who do not. What is the difference? It is simply spending less than they
receive, saving along the way, and taking advantage of the power of compound
interest.
Financial consultants indicate that “most people have it all wrong about
wealth. … Wealth is not the same as income. If you make a good income each year
and spend it all, you are not getting wealthier. You are just living high.
Wealth is what you accumulate, not what you spend.”
Finally, be generous in giving and sharing with others.
The more our hearts and minds are turned to assisting others less
fortunate than we, the more we will avoid the spiritually cankering effects
that result from greed, selfishness, and overindulgence. Our resources are a
stewardship, not our possessions. I am confident that we will literally be
called upon to make an accounting before God concerning how we have used them
to bless lives and build the kingdom.
The prophet Jacob provides us with some excellent counsel about how
riches can be acquired and for what they should be used:
“But before ye seek for riches,
seek ye for the kingdom of God.
“And after ye have obtained a
hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them … for the intent to do
good—to clothe the
naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer
relief to the sick and the afflicted.”
In addition to paying an honest tithing, we should be generous in
assisting the poor. How much should we give? I appreciate the thought of C. S.
Lewis on this subject. He said: “I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more
than we can spare. … If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, … they
are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do
because our charitable expenditure excludes them.”
There are many worthy individuals and causes to which we might
contribute. We should give generously to the fast offering and humanitarian
funds of the Church. And, if we desire our families to live lives of depth and
meaning, we must have the courage to examine honestly where our treasures lie
and avoid the pitfalls that result from greed, selfishness, and overindulgence.
Let us each remember:
·
First:
Not to confuse wants with needs.
·
Second:
Avoid spoiling our children.
·
Third:
Live modestly and avoid debt.
·
Fourth:
Be generous in giving to others.
Giving really is at the heart of our faith. At this Easter time, we
again commemorate that “God [our Heavenly Father] so loved the world, that he
gave his only begotten Son,” who came to the earth and could have possessed any
material thing but rather chose to give to all of us an example of a simple
life free from any shade of greed, selfishness, or overindulgence. May we
strive daily to live more like He lived, the ultimate example of a life of
depth and meaning.
I testify that Jesus is the Christ, this is His Church led by living
prophets, and His tomb was literally empty on that third day. In the name of
Jesus Christ, amen.
